September 2014 – Delusional Thoughts From Fantasy Island

Dear Social Media fans and professionals.

Everyday I go into work, I think the same thing as I start up my computer for the day:

NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU ARE DOING.

It’s true. Nobody cares. Nobody should care. Nobody cares about reading this dribble on my blog either. At least I hope not. If you aren’t asking yourself the same questions, you are probably doing social media right.

The reverse mentality, that “everyone cares” what you are doing, is plaguing the field. In recent years, this has come to be known as “Social Media Thirsty.” This is not a phenomenon that only exists in the tech savvy business. It exists in my profession of naval history as well. The idea is to promote your brand, not blast it out to others like a knee jerk reaction. If you do, you are missing the point of social media entirely. ENTIRELY.

Building a brand has never been both easier and harder at the same time. One post can reach millions of people – if you want it to. But how do you get there? There are certain immortal sins I feel social media professionals utilize that totally erase the good work others are doing. I can’t say I am not at fault here, either. I do it all the time. I can’t say I run social media any better than anyone else. In fact, I am probably much worse. I should know better – but it still happens. Social media is a business, and the business model is held together on stilts.

Immortal Sin #1: Facebook Tagging

This annoys the piss out of me. It almost makes me wish there was a limit to characters in Facebook like there is for Twitter. And let’s be honest, if you “tag” other businesses, it goes to a different part of the page that almost nobody save admins really looks at. And let’s be honest, most of those posts people bring TO the page are coming from psycho Fox News people that want to self advertise in the worst ways possible. Self advertise on YOUR page, not others. It’s like name dropping So thirsty.

Immortal Sin #2: Hashtags on Facebook/Meaningless Hashtags is the new Fetch.

Ugh. Stop trying to make this happen. Hashtags are for Twitter. It’s like eating rice with a soup ladle. Sure, you can do it – but it looks out of place and cumbersome, detracting from the main point in the first place. I’m not just talking regular cumbersome, I am talking Seven Mary Three cumbersome. That’s some real talk right there. Don’t be Seven Mary Three, people.

Immortal Sin #3: 7,000 Posts a Day

I think this one is self explanatory. One, maybe two a day. When you couple this sin with any of the others, you enter into the top 3 circle of Dante’s Inferno. Actually, your computer should set itself on fire.

Immortal Sin #4: Spelling Counts

It is ironic that spelling has never been more important than it is now. I have seen WONDERFUL posts ruined by spelling. I do it all the time still. I get it. The anticipation of getting a really good post out there, and you forget to spell check it. But oh no! There are 6 likes already – You don’t want to lose those insights, but you don’t want to get made fun of for misspelling something.

Pro tip – throw your status in text edit or word before you do it. It also keeps an archive of everything you do each day.

Immortal Sin #5: The Humble Brag

This is an immortal sin for LIFE – not just for social media. It’s the fastest way for me to lose respect for you. That or not giving me a hand shake or eye contact when I first meet you. That is the absolute worst. If you have to brag about what you do, or who you are, then you are doing social media wrong. I can’t say I am blameless on this one. Everybody wants to promote their brand. It’s why we do what we do. But there are ways to do it without it looking like an empty, self-congratulatory gesture. I want to TELL YOU that you are awesome – not the other way around. This goes back to the main point – nobody cares what you are doing. Make them care. Give them the thirst. Make them act like they just swallowed a pound of salt from your posts. Make it rain with that Morton Salt.

The whole point is: Make people care. Don’t rely on others to do it. I just hope I have enough “likes” on my Facebook page to make it to Heaven someday.

“The format and design make it an appealing coffee table pleasure for guests to flip through and comment on.”

Somebody with a Ph.D. and several scholarly publications wrote that. I have to mini-rant here, because somebody in that situation should not be telling anyone else how to write.

Here is the first (of many) problems of my field. The need to anoint the chosen few above everybody else. I have never seen such a great divide in the chosen few over the many in any other field than naval history. Don’t know what I mean? Anybody that is either….

A. Young
B. Relatively Unpublished
C. Low level employee working hard
D. Mid level employee at the glass ceiling
E. Aspiring writer/academic with crushed dreams

….knows exactly what I am talking about.

Buddah had Four Noble Truths on the Path to Enlightenment. Here are my Four Noble Truths about Naval History:

1. Publication is Next to Godliness (?)

Just because you have a book/something published doesn’t give you the right to treat somebody like shit and look down on them. Cool story, bro. I don’t care who you are, I still think you are a piece of shit. The worst part is, you probably know it, too. Let us please not assume that anybody younger than you doesn’t know anything. We may surprise you.

2. Your degree or status does not make you a good writer.

See the above quote at the top of the page. At some level, there is only so much you can do.

I have seen middle schoolers with better writing skills than some of these PhDs. I’m not doing that to stab at anybody who has one, but it is a true fact. Either you have it or you don’t. I’m not pointing that out to anybody in particular, I’m just saying that writing is an art – you have to treat it as such. This means you must constantly shape and evolve your craft to become better. Otherwise, you end up with a great reputation of somebody editing your work behind the scenes. Don’t worry about taking all the credit. That’s a given.

EDIT: 10:39am
I have to add more. I feel compelled because of something else related to this idea that I neglected to mention. Ok. Here it is.

I am really bugged by the elitism of a Ph.D. What in particular? That a Ph.D. in history, specifically on a subject like naval history, makes you a “professional.” I just read a book review that made me want to puke. The review, done by somebody with a doctorate, analyzed a book about the Pacific War. The book was written by somebody without a Ph.D. Uh oh. You bet your ass the first words written on the review were “Though an amatuer historian…” Wait, what? An Amateur? The book came out on an academic press. What gives you the right to call it amateur. I actually compared the reviews of each of the authors on Amazon. Guess who had a better rating by TWO STARS? That’s right. Where does this elitism come from? What gives you the right to say these things, when there is no leg to stand on. This is, of course, not always the case. It seems more common than ever now. So, to all the anointed – in the immortal words of Les Grosman:

3. You Admittedly Paid Your Dues. Now What?

You have worked very hard to get where you are. That’s great – but why settle for mediocracy now? Have we gotten to that point. Do ladders only go up half way? It’s like you are sitting in a warm bath and you can’t get out of it because you like looking at the bubbles from your farts. This mentality also keeps the job situation stagnant and lacking in innovation.

4. The Restaurant Mentality

The one rule in working in the food industry is to not piss of anybody that is handling your food. Same goes for all of your article submissions, etc. that you want to see pasted across the internet. I don’t think anything else needs to be said here about that.

These problems are unfortunately endemic – but there is a cure. It’s respect. A little of it will go a long way in this field.

Month: September 2014

Social Media Thirsty: The Immortal Sins of a Digital Profession

Four Noble Truths of Naval History (Mini Rant)