Tag: oscars

It’s no real secret. I love movies. I don’t want to say the word “film,” because I think people that use that word in conversation are pretentious as hell. So, I will say that I love movies. I love going to them and talking about them. I love buying them the most (especially on sale). I don’t have a lot of hobbies anymore. If I did, I would say that watching movies would be one of them. It’s not even the escape that turns me on. It’s all about emotion. How does a movie make me feel? For a kid who labeled himself as an “EMOtional” person for several years, I think it’s pretty important. There are seriously no films with Elliot on the soundtrack? For shame.

I get especially butthurt when actors do not get their due. This seems especially relevant in context to this year’s Oscar nominations. My personal love-hate relationship with the Oscars began back during the 71st Academy Awards in 1999. That year, Shakespeare in Love beat out Saving Private Ryan for Best Picture. I have been extremely critical every year since . Here are a few Oscar snubs that make my list. These are for actors that failed to make Oscar contention (I won’t get into the sad history of Bill Murray’s Oscar career too much – just know that it WILL happen one day). When it comes down to it, great acting is all about entertainment value drawn from your emotional response: Am I entertained? Was it good? Do people like it? If you said yes to all three, I think there should be some sort of nod there.

My original list was comprised of 17 different actors who deserved an Oscar. For the sake of length, I narrowed it down to just seven.

1. Paul Dano – There Will Be Blood

“You are a stupid man, Abel. You’ve let someone come in here and walk all over us. You let him in and do his work here, and you are a stupid man for what we could have had.”

I saw this at the Naro in Norfolk with a few friends from grad school. I remember that I had to pee really bad because I downed a 32 oz. soda in its entirety within the first twenty minutes . I kept the urine in to the point of holding my crotch in pain because I didn’t want to miss a single minute. That’s how good it was. We all have to have principles, right? I remember walking out of the movie theater with an empty bladder and high spirits. I commented to one of my friends on the likelihood that Paul Dano would receive an Oscar nomination. Somehow, his portrayal of silver-tongued preacher Eli Sunday did not make the cut that year. It was shocking to say the least. The scene that really got to me was the church scene where he makes Daniel Plainview repent for his (many) sins. Don’t worry – his future sins were better. The camera angles alone in that scene alone are worth a gold statue. It still gives me chills. His voice was so shrill and cartoon-like that it almost didn’t work. Yet Dano sold it well. And the end? WHAT. Amazing. The pathetic shame-groveling was cinematic genius. It made me fearful of drinking milkshakes for at least a year. Why hasn’t this guy received his Oscar yet? It’s not like he falls back to his yachts and horde of hot chicks like Leo does. Get it together, white dudes who make all the movie decisions.

2. Steve Carell – Little Miss Sunshine

“Anyway, he uh… he gets down to the end of his life, and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered, Those were the best years of his life, ’cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn’t learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you’re 18… Ah, think of the suffering you’re gonna miss. I mean high school? High school-those are your prime suffering years. You don’t get better suffering than that.”

I thought his performance was real and heartbreaking. The scene on the pier when he is talking to Paul Dano’s character (who is also amazing) is one of the most honest movie scenes of recent memory. I think his rise in film was a bit too fast. He went from Office goof to a “respect me now” actor seemingly overnight. I don’t think anyone was ready for it. It looks like he is getting the respect he deserves with Foxcatcher.

3. Bill Murray – Rushmore

“Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can’t buy backbone. Don’t let them forget it. Thank you.”

As far as Wes Anderson movies go, I still think this one is the best. I know what you are going to think  – I have yet to see The Grand Budapest Hotel. That movie already has its share of Oscar buzz, anyways, so we won’t count it. I don’t want to get into my feels for Bill Murray or this movie because it would take too long. Whatever mistakes he made in his career (Garfield, anyone?), he makes up for in Rushmore. How many of us have wanted to do exactly what he does in the pool scene? Better yet, how many of us have wanted to do what he does throughout the entire movie? If you know me, then you know that he is my favorite actor. He REALLY delivers it in this one. A close second would be Broken Flowers. I will say, without going into too much detail, that I always cry when he is drinking coffee with Olivia Williams and she fixes his hair during the play intermission at the end. Ugh. Please be my fun Uncle, Bill. I will take dead aim.

4. Ed Harris – The Abyss

“Dont cry baby. Knew this was one way ticket, but you know I had to come. Love you wife.”

If that line doesn’t break you, I don’t know what will. For some reason, I always have a desire to watch this movie in the winter…maybe all that cold water from the movie.

I love Ed Harris as an actor. I can’t say that he is good in everything he does. That would be a HUGE lie (He almost ruined The Truman Show and Enemy at the Gates). His character in The Abyss, Virgil, is the everyman we all aspire to be deep down: caring, loyal, stubborn, handy, etc. Not too macho and not a bookish type, either. His performance really picks up when the Navy Seals show up. And what’s not to like about a movie with a little Navy stuff in it, eh? A close second for the Oscar nod would be Michael Biehn as Lt. Coffey, for sure. The fight scene with Biehn and the CPR scene with Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio are the best fifteen minutes of acting in his career.

5. Philip Seymour Hoffman – Boogie Nights

“I’m a fuckin’ idiot. I’m a fuckin’ idiot. Fuckin’ idiot, fuckin’ idiot, fuckin’ idiot…”

You can laugh all you want, Hoffman was incredible in this. The entire film is one big embarrassment transfer to begin with. Yet the scene with him and Mark Wahlberg outside with his new car brings awkwardness to a whole new and creepy level. Why couldn’t Dirk just kiss him back and love him? Such a sad and unfortunate character played by an equally sad and unfortunate actor. SO STUPIDDDD. I felt so bad for him. I was just glad he wasn’t a part of the botched robbery at Alfred Molina’s house. Work that boom, buddy. Dirk will come around. I’m still waiting for Boogie Nights 2: Dirk and Scotty.

To be fair, he probably wasn’t in the movie long enough to earn a nomination. Then again, Anne Hathaway won an Oscar for six minutes of screen time in a 75 hour musical. RIP P.S.H.

6. Diane Keaton – The Family Stone

“I love you. And you are more normal than any other… asshole sitting at this table. OK? OK. I need a fork.”

This movie destroys me. DESTROYS. ME. It’s the perfect blend of comedy and drama. Diane Keaton as the family matriarch is stunning. I think it is one of her best films in recent memory, even though you rarely hear about this movie or its star-studded cast. Sybil Stone takes the viewer through some serious laughs and some intense cries all the way up to the end. I don’t want to spoil it, but I will say to bring some tissues for this one. What I find so great about Diane Keaton is the way she finds a way to compliment her fellow actors and actresses in everything she is in. She did it in Father of the Bride (twice). She made Michael Corleone look even more sinister than he already was in The Godfather Part II. She can do anything. She is great…and still looks good in a men’s suit. First Wives Club isn’t Oscar worthy by any stretch, but it’s still pretty damn good.

7. Kathy Bates – Fried Green Tomatoes

“Face it girls, I’m older and I have more insurance.”

I recently watched this movie over again. When I say recent, I really mean yesterday. God bless you, Netflix. I was almost certain that she got an Oscar nod for this, and was deeply saddened when I scrolled through the IMDB and found that her counterpart Jessica Tandy received a nomination, but not her. What? Jessica Tandy was a great actress, but she barely made it in the movie. Kathy Bates’s transformation from beaten down wife to empowered Pre-Beyonce Beyonce (TAWANDA!) was a treat to watch from start to finish. Movies that have flash back subplots like this usually fail to match up to the main story told (Forrest Gump, Titanic). This movie, however, delivers in both past and present story lines. Kathy Bates holds the cast together, for sure. She seriously earned her Oscar for Misery. She also did for this film.

BONUS: Why are you popular?

This is a shortlist of people who I don’t understand how they get notoriety for being good actors. I just don’t get it.

1. Benedict Cumberbatch

He seriously looks like McDonald’s pink slime with a face. What humanoid factory did he stumble out of? I  swear, some day he will become self-aware and alert Skynet that the humans are ready for takeover. He is a terrible actor who gets credit from geekdom for his roles in British shows people pretend to like. I assume most hate-watch it for street-cred. He was seriously terrible in Star Trek: Into Darkness. Scratch that – that whole movie was terrible. Which brings me to a final point: Dr. Who is bullshit and boring. It’s like a clingly ex-girfriend who keeps showing up on your Facebook feed. STAHP. I don’t care how much you like Sherlock Holmes, he played the creeper in Atonement way too well.

2. Vin Diesel

Look, I know you are Groot. That’s fantastic? I still have very little desire to see Guardians of the Galaxy (or any superhero movie) for quite a while. Make something original, please? Let’s not erase the fact that Vin Diesel cannot act. He is a pair of overpriced jeans, not an actor. It’s not even his real name. His real name is Mark Sinclair. Vin Diesel is like a bro’d out porn name you give yourself when you realize that the grainy video of you and your girlfriend humping from college might be “quality shit.” There are a few movies he is in that need subtitles. And I’m not talking about Stallone mush mouth, either. Diesel has his own brand of steroid-induced nonsense. His movies beg to be watched in low-fi television sets. Watching anything in IMAX with this guy is a gamble. I hope you bring your Speak ‘n Spell to his next flick. Let’s not forget that he is best known for making The Fast and the Furious, AKA Mario Kart: The Movie, seven different times. He is the frontman of the Nickelback of cinema. He got close to being good in the Chronicles of Riddick series. Real close. I thought the newest one was pretty decent (mostly because of Starbuck bewbs). Close….so close. But not enough.

Let me just put one point further: People that like Vin Diesel movies are 75% more likely to use hashtags on Facebook and post pictures of their car on Instagram. #sogood #FF7 #RIPPaulWalker #toosoon

3. Chris Pratt

Yes. I GET IT. You were the delightfully chubby guy from Parks and Rec. Now you are super cut and hot. That doesn’t mean you can act for shit, though. Please do not ruin Jurassic Park for me. Ian Malcolm demands it.

I can’t get on the bandwagon. He was/is funny in Parks and Rec. I will give him that. I can’t automatically like him because he stopped eating pizza and got super ripped. Quit putting these unrealistic representations of the human form on the screen. I’m glad he looks healthy, but he also was paid to work out, most likely with a 1,000/hr. personal trainer on retainer as well. I have mad respect for people that do what he did on their own and without the coaching. He just reminds me of the guy who posts his workout/crossfit videos on Facebook. Douche central. It is kind of sad because he is probably a super nice guy that doesn’t receive this kind of criticism. Ok, I already feel bad. He really is a nice guy. But I won’t retract my statement about him being a bad actor. He has his muscles and geekdom charm. That’s about it. I will continue to be fat and eat pizza out of the spotlight.

4. Mark Wahlberg

Seriously. You are a bad actor with a bad attitude. And your brother is married to Jenny McCarthy, who is certifiably crazy. The only good movie you were in was Three Kings. For comedic value, I’ll add The Other Guys to the list, although I think that movie was only funny because of Michael Keaton. I love Philip Seymour Hoffman in Boogie Nights (see above), but I thought Wahlberg sucked up the screen time. More Juliane Moore and William H. Macy. And for the record: Nobody believed that was your dong. I looked it up. Twice. With pictures.

Nicole 4 eva.

5. Will Ferrell

I don’t get it. I thought Anchorman 2 was unwatchable. Just terrible. Don’t get me wrong, I love movies with tons of fart and dick jokes. Yet his recent string of movies are the literal worst. Should have stayed in SNL, bro.

His only good role in recent memory? Ashley Schaeffer. Give him an Emmy for that. That’s a role I can feel in my plums.